I really..........

I found that I begin to dislike you... I found that I really dislike you from that day. No matter how, finally I know that you are lying from the beginning. Although I know you are my room mate, but it does not represent anything. I don't think that you are close to me. I really hope that you can be a room with her for the next semester.
I dislike you as I dislike the way you do the thing. You cannot plan earlier although you are already 19 years old. You said that you wish to stay in hostel but the easiest thing you also cant take note. The memo already out and you cant noticed it. I did not think that you are worrying about your hostel at all. You also can got mad on me as I told you the memo. You dare to tell me that you just want to chat. FINE! I wont be a stupid again!
Since that you dare to be far from me, I also can do that. Let see who can sustain longer!
That is why Siew Li said that the person from same hometown did not mean anything. Yes, i start to believe it now! Thanks for being this to me.

15 days of CNY (2)

5th day of CNY
I went to Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara to take my IC.. It was the first time I sat in the car that drove by my brother. It was too horrible and made me so frightened here and there. He used to drive his Proton Saga car too long and he cannot drive the Toyota van properly. T.T I was unhappy as I had to go back to KL soon... It seems so short to me as I was not having a long talk with my mum.... My mum and Albert went to Mukah for attending Rita's wedding ceremony. They spent a night at there too. It was the first time I saw she was crying due to my dad's attitude. She was angry of something.
6th day of CNY
My sister, my brother and I were packing our things. Haha, my mum and Albert were back for sending us to KCH and airport respectively. I was totally get shocked when I saw my mum was crying. At that time, I was not confirmed yet but I was totally confirmed with that when my sister updated her status. Haiz, it was short CNY... I met a person that look alike Joshua... Huhu, he was going to Bintulu too..... =.= Hehe, he is not Joshua.
7th day of CNY
I spent one morning at LCCT again. I waited for Erica, Belle, Eva and Stephanie. But, I was a little bit upset when they cannot wait Stephanie with me together. But, I thought it over again and I was released. They were not so close with Stephanie and they were tired too. Hehe, I was sorry for Stephanie too as I was not waiting her till last minute. I had to give the keys to Ping Hui and I scared that I will let her wait too late. Really hope that she can truly forgive me after I apologized from her.
8th day of CNY
Still in CNY mood... Eva hurt her right leg yesterday. Erm, dunno how to cure this as I did not have the experience before. This week was totally made me want to die. Today, I had Chemistry test and I did not do it well. I forgot about the buffer solution!!! T^T The lecturers did not give us the quiz and the writing test. They made me so nervous last night. It was so tiring to being like this. Such a good news, we will have our meeting tomorrow and I have to make sure all questions that played in my mind so long to be answered clearly!
9th day of CNY
Oh no, my physics test!!!! T^T Again, I had to say that I did not do it well... This time, I forgot about the projectile concept. Huhu, this week still got one test which is Calculus test. Hope that everything will be fine. What?!! You cant give me the actual answer on the duration of our study? Our diploma certificate have not approved by MQA yet?!!! How could you do this for me? Everything was not clear enough!!!! Then, how I book the ticket?!!!
10th day of CNY
Oh no, I will have five days holidays which are from this Friday till next Tuesday. =.=lll Haiz, next time I better do a survey on the public holidays before I book the ticket back.. My Chap Goh Mei~~ OK, I go to Sunway Pyramid this Friday!
11th of CNY
Oh, yeah! My Calculus test was done today. Mood to Sunway Pyramid is so high now!!!! Thanks to Andrew as he taught me the way to go to Sunway pyramid!! Huhu, it seems very easy as ABC.. I want to go to USM too, just for visiting the university!! I admitted that I was lazy to talk with you two since that I cant join the you two.
12th of CNY
T^T my money..... Due to the rainy evening, we took a cab and we spent RM 64 for that. Not fun at all due to the taxi!!! But, I enjoyed the trip as I spent all the vouchers at last!!! I bought a dictionary and  a lot of stationery. Haha, I really enjoyed but it was damn tired! Huhu......
13th of CNY
Took rest and my stomach was not well.... I was lazy to talk with them. I prefer to keep silence.... Spent a night at pastor's house~
14th of CNY
I was trying to help pastor but she prefer the elder to help her. Hehe, yeah... They always know what did the  pastor want. Huhu, thanks be to pastor to let me have a nice lunch today!
15th of CNY
My Chap Goh Mei passed like that...... My sister is coming to here tomorrow. Whatever~ She keeps asking me that the ktm to Ipoh... Luckily, I asked the pastor before. Huhu..........T^T My Chinese Valentine Day........... 
Finally, my 15 days of CNY just passed like this~~~~~~~~~~~ Enjoyed a bit..... :P

15 days of CNY 2012 (1)

CNY Eve
I arrived at Sibu on 12.30 am from Kuching. Then, I had a chit chat with my parents and hamsters. The best feeling I ever had before. And then I woke up at 10.30 am. Since that my bro woke up earlier than me or he was not sleeping at all, my mum scolded me that I was too late to wake up and she did everything for dinner. Haha, I washed the utensils that are necessary for CNY o... Hehe, I got do something at last. My sister confirmed her break up with her boy friend finally and she was happy with that. I hope she can find a better man after this. Stephanie sent me a message that Royce wanted her to be his girl friend. Actually, I really shocked on Royce's act... Haha, fall in love on 1st sight...
1st day CNY
Wah, this year my aunt sent me so many cookies and I thought that my 2nd uncle will back from Bintulu this year. But he was not coming back this year. Besides that, I visited my all maternal relatives in a day... We were pro.... Aunt Joyce visited to my house too...  I was so sorry that Zulkarnain cant visit my house this year. I must invite him next year.
2nd day CNY
I went to my father's boss house and I received two angpao from them. Hehe, I was a little bit shocked when I received two from one house. Hehe, thank you lo.... I felt tired dy...
3rd day CNY
They was not inviting me to their group. Haiz, nevermind la... I was not important to them. Haha, I prefer stay with my friends and I wanted to meet with Xylic but my laziness controlled my mind.....Sorry leh....... haiz...
4th day CNY
I was going out with Wen, Yun, Cheng, and Yin. We visited our primary form teacher. Huhu, her sons are very handsome!!!! They are Herman, Elmund and Kevin??? Hehe, I just know that Herman is super duper handsome!!!!! I like him very much but he is a little bit naughty. At night, I went out with Poh Lee.... Hehe, I had short outing with them... haha~~~

spent a night again in LCCT

Today is a bad day. I went to Za'Ba College to take the keys. Hoh, such madness at there. I almost want to shocked by myself as I took out the lecture note of Biodiversity of Plantae and Animalia and did the revisions on it! What to do if you are lazy to move and the weather is too warm? The college seems small but they are big when there are two colleges in one area. The cafe is big and comfortable enough.

I am not feeling sleepy in the afternoon but I tried to force myself to sleep. =.=lll I failed to make myself to sleep. I am so tired of waiting the bus to Kuala Lumpur. After I arrived at Kuala Lumpur, I cant have a ride on Star Shuttle as there is few buses only and I met a good and friendly uncle to help me and guide me. But, I still have to turn here and there. I thought I was lost. == It is the 1st time I took the LRT by myself. Luckily I like to ask and follow the flow of people.

I wonder now, how long I have to stay awake without the netbook? But, I am still sleepy although I am with my netbook. The line here is too bad to me for downloading the movies. =.=lll No wonder I am so sleepy as I am waiting the loading process.......... :(


I will go to Kuching today. Hopefully my journey will be safe and the flight don't delay!! This is the 1st time I saw there are so many Chinese in Low Cost and Cheap Terminal (LCCT), Kuala Lumpur. In addition, the highways are fulfilled by the vehicles and the highways seems like so bright like diamonds. Hopefully Belle, Erica and Eva won't facing the traffic jam problem since their flights are in the evening. 


Chinese New Year is coming. There is nothing to say and to wish for as I just hope that the duration of my Diploma study is not three years but two years. I planned everything but now? I just hope to hear a good and reasonable explanation for this. If not, I will hate myself and regret for this..... So, DON'T do this for me!!!!

Hummmmmm....

Today, I met a person on Facebook. He had a chat with me and he asked me about my relationship status. The strangest thing is he relates this with my trip. He said that I sure got a boyfriend if I go back to Sibu. =.= Such a ridiculous conversation!


These days, I was too lazy to speak more. Maybe I have too many internal problems and I don't know how to speak it out.  First is the friend's problem. Second is the period of my Diploma study. Third is my future. Fourth is my weeks after Chinese New Year. These are my nightmares!!!!!!


Beside that, I am grateful that I met a nice taxi driver last Saturday. Although the fees is over RM 10, he just accepted RM 10. Wow, such a nice taxi driver! He is humuor too~~~ Haha~


I miss you all!!!!! Argh, I try to focus on my study. I can't let my mind to fly here and there again. I have a new target that is, MY POINTER HAS TO BE ACHIEVE ON 3.80 and ABOVE!!!!!

Feel strange

I am so sorry that I dream about you. I dream you were having a meal with your girlfriend. But, you were staring at me and your girlfriend was sad. Yer, you cant do this on me. You know you made me so ashamed and feels very sorry on both of you. I have tried my best to forget you. I am so sorry that I hurt you. If you dare to lure me after this, I will accept your invitation. 


Why are you appearing in my dream with that uniform? I am nearly fall in love in you again at that time. What should I do with you? I like you wear the white shirt but you are belonged to others. Therefore, I just can put you as an idol or a white prince. I am not dare to put you as my prince as I am not sure that you are my Mr. Right or not.


I feel so far from you. All of you. Is that five person world too large? Sometimes I am so sad to think on this. I was so depressed and I cant say this to anyone. I have to be independent. I have to try my best... Gambateh....

what should i say?

I am totally happy to know that my sister posted to Kuala Kangsar for her teaching. But I never think that it will make me cant celebrate my Chinese New Year in Sibu. Then I cannot back to Sibu once during my semester break. I am a little bit disappointed. No hamster and family!Sorry to all of you as I cannot celebrate Chinese New Year with you all......


Besides that, I feel that I am isolated sometimes. I experienced the same thing like her last time. I am tired this time. I really did not want to say anything with them. Don't know why I prefer share some problems with Stephanie. But, I know I have to become more tough to withstand these obstacles. It's time to become independent as there is nobody can accompany me until the last of the life.


Tomorrow is the day I go to KL again for buying Chinese New Year stuffs. Hopefully I can hide this from them since that I have to learn to be independent................

Such 3 mad days!

Oh, my! It happened twice! I overslept twice!!! Oh, no!! Why this happened on me? I was so shocked and bad mood~ Haiz, I think the embarrassment is more than the sadness. Yer, I dislike this. I hope this wont happen again. =(

Yesterday, I decided to go to the church but the God's will... Is that Lord's will or the challenge of faith to me? I am so sad that we cant attend the mass due to there was no taxi to go to the church. Haiz, so disappointed and I was totally prepared for my confession... I hope next time Lord can allow me to do all these and I can find my way to be a pure Catholic.

Haiz, I am so depressed that the two lecturers were getting mad on me. I was not paying attention in class. I am so sorry with this. Sorry, sirs! My biology test is getting fail this time. I can't strengthen my heart on this failure. Why the lecturers here cannot make the Biology more fun or more enjoyable? I almost lost my love on my Biology. I really do not want to say goodbye or kiss goodbye to Biology!

Today is the day Anwar broke free and the results of Adam's incident came out. I really don't know I should happy or what as I am not involved in this and I did not know much about the political issues. Haiz, I think the Malaysia politic will face earthquake or tsunami soon as the election is coming soon. Consequently, the roads in Tanjong Malim were blocked here and there. I hate this so much as I dislike the way road block.

=.= This afternoon, Stephanie asked me that the face will she see if I am falling love. Hehe, I really don't know this even think about this. I asked her, "What did you expect?" She wanted me have sweet dates and smiles everyday. Haha, I think this won't happen on me since that I have no market here. Huhu, I also imagine her one. Haha, I imagined that she is with someonre she likes so much and she did it too. Haha, both of us laughed here. Actually, she asked this as she read from the Facebook post. Gemini will have their loves in this spring season. =.= Hehe, my idol is in a relationship already. How come I will have my love?? Haha, every girl must always dream on their princes. Hehe.....

Argh, why is my card cannot be used? This is second time I faced this. Don't care anymore, I will change my account! Such a troublesome to me! =.= I am a foreigner.... This really made me so depressed....=( Pls.... Is there anybody? Help me.....

it is Friday!!!

Erm, finally it is Friday! Phew, I can relax a bit at last. But, today Eva's words made me shocked. She said I seem like always have many problems with my friends. Hehe, I did not realise it until she said this. I reflected back to my history.....


I dislike the way Eric said today. Maybe it is his way of speaking. But it really hurts sometimes. Haiz, can't be rescued. Hehe, I think it is better that I do not find him after this.


Wow, totally shocked on what did I know today! He is with her?! Huhu, really a surprise to me... Don't know why I think that the girl is waiting for his reply for long time ago. Hehe, his image is so passive to me.... 


Why?!!! Why you did not open the pet shop? I miss the hamsters very much.... Why don't you give me an opportunity to see them?!! Hoh, need more time to heal my hurt..... = = Mum always scolded me that I always miss hamsters only.....=.= lll hehe~~~~

Share~

When I am writing this post, I am listening to this song. I really totally tired and exhausted. Although there is no love in my life now, but I experienced this week so hard. Hehe, this song is mostly about love....Maybe I gave myself too many pressure and made my stomach is badly functioned. == I am not daring to tell my mum this as Chinese New Year is coming soon. She must be busy on the preparation of Chinese New Year without my help. :(

Erm, I addicted to Giddens' novels. His way to express his feeling and life story is very unique. His sense of humour is so strong and it keeps me laugh when I am reading it. But, I like his sentences very much because sometimes you will find a meaningful sentence inside it. He has two brothers and this is found in "Mom, Kiss".

"My elder brother stayed in mum's womb for one more week from the predicted date as he did not want to leave mum;

I stayed in mum's womb for less than from the predicted date as I wanted to see my mum earlier;

My younger brother born at the time as he made a deal with my mum."

"When the girl that you liked change, actually you cannot continue to like her anymore, but you are be used to keep the love, just like the words on the grave."

(I am sorry as I am not a good translator)

The distance between us became longer, until it becomes unreachable. The love cannot withstand this although we loved each other so much. Just let it be..... Wish you can meet your right person in your future. I am not lucky as you, you know. Hmm, so tiring to repeat this from time to time.... Argh, change my image in 2012~~~~ Gambateh!

Voice from my heart

Am I speak in a terrible way? Maybe, I was in bad mood.  I just finished my test and need to prepare for my tutorial and Physics quiz. I was so stress and tension. This week is the week I dislike the most. I almost lost control of myself......

I am wondering that what did I do on Monday. Ah, I was watching "Skip Beat" on Anime Season. Erm, that is quite nice and I was enjoying it. Amy was back and had a short conversation with me. She gave me and Stephanie seaweeds as Christmas gift. In addition, the pastor gave me and Amy a 2012 calendar. Church gave me candy and the Savior of Jesus Christ. Stephanie gave me a magnet bar while Shiu Man gave me a small baby cologne(Until now, I still don't know what should I use with it...O.O) Haha, Belle and Eva gave me a wooden bookmark (There is my name on it....^.^) I am so thankful on these gifts. Hehe, I am so sorry that I didn't prepare anything for them.

On Tuesday night, I had "Claypot Chicken Rice" with brother in Pekan. Erm, my Cantonese is so poor till I can't really caught what did she say to me. Luckily, my brother is better than me in Cantonese. Huhu, thank you for treating me dinner and helped me a lot.

Today (Wednesday), I am quite tired as I slept too little. My eyes are so painful and I had headache this morning. Now, I think I really cant live without blogging. Every moment, I am inspiring to write many things on my blog. Hope that there is nobody can read my posts here although I have 12 followers.

I read a new that occured in my hometown. I am shocked on the news. Why this could happen? The kids were innocent and they were still young. What did they do to you? The old woman had done anything bad on you? Why don't you just overcome the problem calmly and rationally? This made me so sad and unsafe. You are so cruel to make my hometown's good name being polluted. Before this, I was so proud of my hometown. But now, I am not sure anymore. One thing that I am very sure is I still love my hometown very much.

Today is the day they start to school. I am so excited and sad on the opening school. Absolutely, I am a university student and I do not have any restricted rule on school uniform and time. My way of clothing and timetable is flexible. But, I miss a lot on the days I schooling with my friends. At least, I am not suffering of homesick. I miss the teachers, my school and school uniform. I miss the days my dad awaken me up for schooling. I miss the mornings I can chat with Su Hee on 2nd Floor. I miss the moments I was sitting in class and prepare to study. I miss the Chemistry , Biology and Physics laboratories and I had great times on doing experiments in there. I can't join them this year, feel like I was isolated.......

Lastly, I am sorry and grateful on what did I do today. I am sorry of the way I speak. I am so sorry for not preparing well in the test. Sorry......... Thank you, I live for one more day............. Lord, I am fully prepared to accept the challenges and wills from You....In the name of Jesus Christ. .Amen.

a late post from me..... for last two days....

Yesterday was Tuesday.... Hehe, I was lazy a bit to switch on my computer... So, I will post 2 posts on my blog today. Erm, since that I am tired now, so.........COPY and PASTE la~

Today, I am really believed that I dislike my 1^st week of 2012. I can’t withdraw my money from my account.  I forced to find my parents and brother for solving this problem. I have to save money as I have to pay the debt. Hoh, I have so many debts to pay.

Err; I hope that I can stay away from Tanjong Malim and Sibu now, just like my brother.  He is very pro as he can stay outside without homesick. I think most of time I miss my hamsters and home a lot. I stay away from Tanjong Malim as I don’t think that there is anything that can make me to stay here.  For Sibu, I don’t want to meet any seniors here except Li Zhen and Janet. Haha, they are too good for me.  But, I think it is for temporarily.

Now, I am really panic on my future that I will trap in UPSI! I really do not want to be a teacher although my friends choose to be a teacher. It seems that I forced to be alone. I hope that I can continue my study in other university for enjoying life and gaining more life experience.  I hope that I can be a student of USM, UTM or UKM. These universities made me so happy. Hehe, if there is anyone can sponsor me to study in foreign countries; I will be very thankful and grateful.

I want to congrats myself as I already let go him and give myself one chance to alive.  I can feel the scar is getting better and the painfulness is getting less.  Is this sound great? Yes, I think.  I really hope that I will not play fool on myself anymore.  Suddenly, I really hope that Stephanie can have her true love in this year. Huhu, I hope it won’t be him seriously. Haha, she really can be good friends with them if compared with me and Amy. Haha, it seems funny. Never mind la, I will resign sooner. Phew, this is my important decision in this year too. I hope I can practice it. I have been not going to Catholic Church such a long time ago. My desire for going back to the lovely church is not getting less. In addition, it becomes stronger and stronger. It’s the time for me to back to God’s hug and Mary’s love.

Death is a new way for the phase of making self better.  I love this sentence.  Haha, I admitted that I thought many times about death. But, there is a voice to prohibit me to do that. I confessed this before and Father asked me the reason. I was speechless. I am hurt by surroundings badly. I really don’t know and I can’t remember what depress me so much.

I am falling in love with Jolin Tsai’s song which is “Tuo Xie” (Surrender) and Chen Shi Ann’s “Tian Hou” (Queen of Heaven). “…Love made me like a puppet, Love made me surrender, Love made me trapped and you are being pulled, History is repeated, I am so tired with this….” 

O.O A new day, a new understanding.

Oh, no~ Tomorrow is the day that I start to study again after my mid- semester break. Actually, I really hate this feeling. I dislike the waiting of Chinese New Year painfully and in exciting mood. I am in outstation now. That's why I hope that  I am in LCCT Kuala Lumpur now, not in hostel. I hope that I can have Chemistry test earlier since that I have my flight at next morning. That lecturer should be concern the mood and the feeling that wishing back to home and homesick. Although she maybe did not experience this, but I really hope that she can understand the situation. 


Again, I am falling in love in blogging. I like the feeling that I can express my feeling and tension here without any concern from anyone. But, I hope I can get some responds from you sometimes. In fact, most of time I do not want this exposed to others, especially you. Sorry that I being so selfish and nor willing to share anything with you. I was having a long conversation with Belle and Shiu Man. They told me a lot about their life stories. Compared to them, my stories are not interesting enough. This is a new experience for me as our conversation ended at 7 a.m. I took a short rest because I have to wash my clothes. =.=lll


 I admit that I admire you but a feeling of sadness mixed with happiness appears in my heart when you are with other girl. I decided to keep myself far from you to prevent myself from falling in the trap. Stephanie said that you are so charming when you are playing organ. I did not want to look at that as I prefer you play drum. But, disappointment is more than joyful when you played drums on the last day of 2011. I am wondering, why were you played it so hard until I can feel the anger from your music? Or that is just to express your happiness as she is back? Yes, the unbalancing of your attention on different person hurts me. I thought you wont be such person. But, the truth is YOU ARE HUMAN, same as me, sure act like this. I am sorry that I imagine you as a perfect person. Luckily, I can awake from this dream. 


Hmmm, it seems that I am correct in predicting my future. I predicted that I wont get married even falling in love with someone in this life. Huhu..... There are a lot of people joked over me after they listened my prediction. They said that the person who said this is the one who married first. == I think this statement is totally ridiculous. Is that you hope that I will married in short while woh?  Sorry la, if I made you disappointed in this. I am clearly know that I wont have market price unless he knows that I am priceless and he can appreciates me. But, the truth is.....????

Su Hee said that I am a positive minded person as I seems that I did not carry any sadness. But, I argued this statement. I am a melancholic person. I am not sure that it is a part of my family or not. I found that each of my family who are included in father side, have slightly melancholic characteristics. I am shocked when I found that John is also same with me, a melancholic. I always make him as my role model in this family as we both in same year and we always share our life details. I am so glad to have him as my cousin. Due to the generation gaps between me and my siblings, I am hard to open my mouth to share my secrets. Haha, Su Hee found that she was wrong after she read my blog posts. There is a melancholic angel stay inside me and it is hidden in the deepest of my heart. I am a Gemini girl and I am so glad that I can change my mood in short while and I am a good liar or actress in pretending I am good! Thanks to mum as she taught me a lot of this. She acts better than me.  I am not sure that the alleles that I inherited from her got the alleles of an actress. I hope that I inherited some of them.

That's all for today. Huhu, time to take a nap.... Wish to have a wonderful beginning for this year.

1 January 2012

Hehe, Happy New Year to myself. I am grateful that I am still alive and can have countdown with seniors. Hehe, finally I can understand and realise that I did not have your concern as well. Hehe, you really treat me as your sister or friend only. You does not have any special on me. I can see that you like her as she can give you confidence and love. So, I can just let you be my passed-by in my life. All things are not real, they are just images that made me put full expectations in it. It's okay and I will carry the pain by myself.

It's the first time I spent the night at pastor's house. Thanks be to God, I can slept well and woke up early. But, I am tired. It is the first time I heard the ridiculous words from Royce. Hmmm, it maybe not the first time. Haha, he always spoke in DIFFERENT way. He said that I am virus that live in his brain and he wants to delete me but he cant. Haha, luckily Stephanie became a new virus and she became his wife too. =.=lll Andy and Jin Jin also make good friends with her. Huhu....

I am really thanks for Royce and Andy. They made Stephanie enjoyed the countdown and first day of 2012. I can see that they like Stephanie very much. Hehe, maybe this is God's will. Thanks be to God, she can accompany Amy later during Sundays. I really can leave the church? I am really do not know about this. Let it be a God's will... They asked me that am I be baptised? I will answer, "Yes, I am." But, you asked me that why I did not go for receiving Communion? I am really cant do this as I prefer the Catholic way. I am so stressful and depressed in this. God, what will You want from me? I don't want to betray you as Judas did. Lord, I know You sent John Constantine as my cousin to heal my hurt and pain. Please help me to relief the pain. I am so tension now. I am really know that I am always not the type that boys like. So, I can be a single for whole life and cure the pain by myself.


Thanks to Zheng Yang's mum. She sent the Kentucky Fried Chicken sets to us. Although I am not eating that, but I can feel the warm and happiness. Oh, Zheng Yang the little boy! I like you so much.... The Sheng Hao and Zi Xian too.... Haha, I really can be a PAKK student soon...=.=


You played the musical instruments and I forced myself successfully to not looking at you. I cant let the hope to be grew in my heart and I am totally let you go. Sorry that I lose in such way. 


Finally, I spoke with her already. At the last day of 2011, let us be friends again.....  You just my friend. I can focus on my world and study at last. Thank you that you made me awake....